After a year ...

One year has passed since I landed in Toledo after a 32 hour odyssey and going through a yearlong paperwork crusade as described in my Happy New Year 2007 post to start my graduate study of sociology. And how this year has passed? Rather quick I'd say.

People say when you feel time has passed by quickly, that means you've had a good time. Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes, when you're too busy to think about how time passes by, you wouldn't notice much. And it doesn't matter much whether you've had a good or bad one. And I've had quite a busy time (that's noticeable by the infrequency of my blog updates). But now, I'm trying to contemplate over what's been going on and whether it's been a good year. Although there have been some lingering bad memories over my summer and beyond, I'd say all in all it has been a good successful year.

I've passed 2 semesters into my Master's degree and now, I'm very close to a PhD program. A few years ago, when I was still an engineer, that sounded like a distant dream that would come true only for rich kids. At least that's how things go in my country (or generally speaking, my side of the world).

Trivially, I couldn't afford such a luxury as the son of two teachers; although they did for me everything they could within their limited financial resources. And what they lacked in money, they compensated for by their endless passion, love and dedication. But if you don't have a rich daddy, you have to direct your talents into engineering, medicine, anything financially tangible to make a living of your own. That's how I ended up an electrical engineer.

Not that I didn't like what I studied or my field of specialty. I was crazy about math, physics and computers. And as I was fascinated with change and its dynamics (and trivially in ways to control those changes in a desirable way), I chose control systems as my major.

When I was a school kid, whenever our school took us for a factory tour/visit, I was always the last one to be dragged out of the assembly line area, amazed by how things worked automatically, trying to figure out how every element in the system efficiently worked in coordination and in sync with others resulting in a perfect outcome without the intervention of human hand (apparently though). I was also interested in power generation and distribution (pun intended). So, my dream, as a school kid, was to practice computer-based automation in powerplants and power systems (or maybe factories in general).

I worked hard to reach that end and yet all the while I was thinking about studying human systems more seriously. And right when I was about to become somebody in my field as an engineer, I could no longer resist my lifelong dream and switched to sociology. People ask me (and I ask myself too) was it a right decision. Up until now, I believe it was.

Still, even up to the last moment, I was hesitant about leaving engineering. It was one of the hardest decisions in my life. And it was such even when I took the national entrance exam (concours) for admission to graduate studies (in Iran, higher education at state universities is tuition-free; so you have to pass a very competitive exam). I registered for concours in both social science and IT. What made my decision a little bit easier was my ranking (2nd) in American Studies program at the University of Tehran (the biggest oldest most prestigious university in Iran). And then, I got admission with a graduate assistantship at the University of Toledo. Easy decision, eh?

And although secular people may find it funny for a hard core engineer of 15 years (if you count in my college years), I felt a calling by God. My main objective in sociology was (and is) studying the role of religion in society and people’s life. And my systematic outlook as an electrical engineer (computer and control systems) plus my deep religious passion would serve that end.

I come from a very devout religious (yet modern-thinking) family and despite my early education in a very western style school (Iran-Swiss), I did most of my schooling (grades 3-12) in an elite Islamic school (Alavi). They were orthodox in their theology and ideology and yet extremely modern and progressive in their pedagogy. After so many years, I still hold their quality of education as a school to be comparable (or superior) to colleges and universities that I experienced or visited later.

The combination of such a family and such a school resulted in an engineer whose topmost passion is religion. And that was the objective of Alavi School’s founding fathers back in 1950s: to produce religious professionals. Or as anti-religion and anti-modernity people mock (although from opposing standpoints): religious technocrats. And when I hear of such derogatory views, I keep thinking about the iron cage and The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism and the possible role of such dynamics as discussed in Weber’s famous book in schools like Alavi. And my sociologist friends who cannot reconcile between religion, technology and modernity, label me as being a positivist. But that’s another story.

Then, I remember my last hours in Iran when I was packing for my long journey. My father asked me the same question: "you were an engineer and you were doing well, why the switch to sociology?" Probably, he was unhappy mostly about my going to the other side of the planet for a long time, not about the reason for my going there. I smiled and replied: "you are responsible for my conversion".

Tehran is a megacity. And it’s a hub for everything in Iran. People from all over the country come, work and settle there. And those people come from all walks of life and all sorts of culture and lifestyle. And with that comes diversity and stratification in all spheres of life.

When I was a little kid, my father used to take me to different places in Tehran. I’ve dined at the Hilton, Sheraton and InterContinental, at cafes frequented by artists, writers and so-called intellectuals, and also at pubs where truck-drivers and daily wagers eat. He took me to wealthy neighborhoods and to poor shanty places. While taking me here and there, he never needed to give me rhetoric about stratification and different lifestyles; I had eyes and could see things for myself and notice stark differences.

I reminded my father of my childhood tours around Tehran and the effect that they etched in my mind at such an early age. But he was not responsible merely for opening my eyes to such differences by taking me to those places.

My parents have a rich library (and as tenants, it always gave us real headache whenever we moved from one place to another all over our life in Tehran). My father has studied chemistry and has taught that as a teacher. But the majority of his books are not in chemistry; rather they are mostly in intangible subjects (that don’t make money or sense, whichever way you prefer to look at it) like philosophy, mysticism, history, religion, literature, psychology and … sociology.

My parents tell me that as a toddler, one of my favorite hobbies was tearing/vandalizing their books, magazines and newspapers. They maintain that it was out of my jealousy; they could read, I couldn’t; hence the retaliation on their stuff. Amazing theory, eh?

To save their library, they tried to teach me reading before school. And apparently, it worked. Being capable of reading, I preferred amusing myself with those stuff in a more constructive way. And one of the books that caught my eyes at the age of 10 was a Soc Intro textbook by two American sociologists, Ogburn and Nimkoff (translated by Dr Aryanpour, father of modern sociology in Iran). Reading that book, I discovered my true territory.

It not only introduced me to sociology as a science, but also gave me a sociological perspective on social change; something that had engaged my mind over those years of drastic change in all spheres of life in Iran back in 1980s. There were other interesting topics covered in that book: media, technology, culture and family (of course with the 1960s mindset in the US which was very different from today).

I reminded my father of that book too. He gave me a sad look and couldn’t get along with the fact that sometimes small things could have big effects. He maintained that he had read lots of such books, yet remained loyal to his career as a chemistry teacher. Sorry dad, early childhood distractions could be much more profound and complicated than the ones in adulthood.

True, I still feel deeply nostalgic whenever I pass by powerplants or factories (and the industrial Midwest is plentiful with those things). But engineering as a job was a means not a goal to me. I pursued engineering (and more specifically control systems which was my major interest) to make a livelihood out of a profession I loved so that I could study what I loved more (sociology) on the side of my job.

But as I paid sociology more attention over recent years, I realized that I’d be nobody in either field if I continue to divide my time and energy in 2 different paths. Well, maybe not completely different paths. My Statement of Purpose when I started this blog (and when I thought seriously about applying to sociology graduate programs) explains how I view control systems and sociology and how I make a connection between the two and how I don’t really think of my career change as a drastic inherent switch.

But looking at things from a practical perspective differs from dreaming or theorizing. I already knew that my salary even after I get my PhD in sociology would still be lower than what I would make as an engineer with my Bachelor’s degree. And I knew that my first years in my new career would be very hard, financially speaking. As my advisor jokes about it, I’ve had a downward social mobility, from a middle-class engineer to a poor-class student. And now, I understand what it means.

As an engineer, I was not into material culture and maintained my modest lifestyle as a student. I had the money, but kept away from luxurious habits out of my ideological convictions. But choosing a modest lifestyle out of your own free will is different from being forced to live like a poor because you are not allowed to work outside campus (as an international student) and have to suffice to a stipend below federal poverty line.

And although as somebody living below federal poverty line you're supposed to be exempt from tax, they still deduce taxes from that stipend and you have to wait for a year to file for tax return and get those taxes back (not completely though). So basically, poor people give the US gov't (the richest and yet the most indebted in the world) an interest-free loan for most of the year and live further down poverty line. Compassionate Capitalism redefined, eh?

And there's something that makes this interest-free loan even more interesting (pun intended). The money that you get back has been part of your last year gross income. So, it has been already taxed once. When you get it back, it's considered part of your income in the new year when you file for tax return. And that means it could be taxed again. Isn't it cool?

And even as if that taxed meager stipend doesn't give you enough hardship, you're forced to pay health insurance premium out of that. Health insurance companies in this country do their best to make the most profit out of your pocket while giving you the least possible. Well, that's the essence of Capitalism, isn't it?

And to outdo health insurance companies, the university charges you about $1300 a year for health insurance premium. And their coverage is good for nothing; rip-off, as I experienced this summer. I was wise enough to purchase my health insurance for this year outside university. It cost me about $550 for almost the same coverage. And although the Graduate Assistantship covers your tuition fees, you have still to pay all sort of other fees and try to survive with what remains in your pocket. And man, that feels so hard.

You know what my last name means? One who travels a lot. And I’ve been a perfect match to my name all my life. When I was an engineer, I used to travel a lot; for business and for fun. And even on my tours of duty, I had fun as I enjoyed what I did as an engineer and I grabbed on every opportunity to enjoy my surrounding.

When I worked as a supervising engineer in that hydroelectric powerplant in Southwest Iran, whenever our transport van took us to the heart of the mountain where the powerhouse was being built, I kept looking at the green-blue of Karun River and brown-ocher-gray rocks of Zagros Mountains until the last moment that we entered the tunnel. And although I had to inspect instruments, wires, cables, control panels, pumps, generators and all sort or electrical or mechanical equipment for the next few hours, I knew that when I come out of the huge powerhouse cavern, I’d be back again with Mother Nature.

Yet, while I went up and down the four floors of the powerhouse, scrutinizing all those gadgets and stuff, I didn't lose the opportunity to interact with the workers whose job I inspected. Despite my strict quality control standards, my relationship with them was more of a sociologist (or anthropologist?) than an engineer. Even for those who were initially apprehensive about my position (and appearance, as some of them admitted later), it wouldn't take them long to realize this was a different kind of engineer.

And even when not at work, although I didn’t waste much money on buying stuff, I had no qualms to spend money on travel; short and long range. Even when I was going through the last stages of my paperwork crusade to get my US visa, although the trips were stressful in nature, bound by the uncertainties of the US gov’t bureaucracy, I still tried to make the most out of the money I spent. I used the entire day before my visa interview in Nicosia, (literally) surveying the city on foot from morning to late night, visiting every historical place and church I could over my limited time. I was thinking to myself, whatever the result of the interview, I should visit as many places and people as possible to compensate for the money I’d spent to travel to Cyprus. And I really enjoyed my time.

But now, I’m more or less a home-campus-home zombie. The cap on my traveling and sightseeing isn't put merely by my busy schedule as a graduate student. Even as an engineer, I always found some time to do some travel. Here, budget plays a bigger role. And those dental works over past semester were more financially painful; I’ve gone bankrupt and I cannot afford travel and that has made life more miserable. And add that imprisonment factor mentioned in my summer post (and this never leaves the mind of any Iranian student with a single-entry visa).

When I managed to visit Cleveland in July, more than being happy about visiting a bigger city, I felt upbeat about the move and the change (I had a very short trip around Midwest last week, but that was mostly about business although it was fun too). And that’s why I cherished my bike trips around Lucas County over summer so much. Even my half-hour trips to Meijer for grocery shopping were so relaxing as I passed along University/Parks Trail and could enjoy the beautiful scenery of the Oak Opening Region.

But despite all the hardship, when I look at the glass, I can clearly see the full-half. I’ve managed to reach what I had set my sight on, thanks be to God. And although I’m very busy and at times feel overwhelmed, I can see His light at the end of the road and en route.