Sunday, December 30, 2007

To blog, or not to blog

When I started this blog, it was not completely out of my own choice. As a result of visa complications, I had to enroll in the MA program of American Studies at the INAES, University of Tehran. One my professors (who was the Institute Chair also), required us to set up a blog and post our weekly assignments in there, so that classmates could read and comment on each others' work before the next class.

He is an interesting guy. He started his study in mechanical engineering in the US. Then, at the outbreak of the Islamic revolution, returned to Iran, leaving his study unfinished. He went to the seminary and became a clergyman. Sounds like a big career switch? There's more. After 12 years in seminary, he started his education in sociology and finished with a PhD. Looking at his profile clearly shows how prolific he is. And you can get an idea about how demanding he was as a professor. He kept repeating to us poor souls, "INAES is not a hotel".

And as a University of Tehran professor, he was very strict about academic standards. And other professors, although not requiring us to post our homeworks to a blog, were not less demanding in their coursework.

So basically, when I managed to collect my visa after a nerve-racking wait of 10 weeks and losing my first semester at the University of Toledo, it was a God-sent blessing in every sense. But seriously, my time at INAES was helpful with giving me momentum to adapt to transition from engineering to sociology, academically speaking.

When I got rejected in my first visa interview in Dubai, I already knew about my ranking in concours and hence my admission to the University of Tehran. That unfair rejection in Dubai was so disappointing that I was very reluctant about applying for visa again. Eventually, I consulted INAES chair about my dilemma. He encouraged me to try my chance once more. If that too failed, I had my place with them at INAES and could later pursue my PhD in the US. And if successful, he maintained, that would be a great opportunity to learn things first hand, not through books at INAES library (which was a great one BTW).

I passed the extensive visa interview at Nicosia, but I didn't receive my clearance in time, missed my first semester at the University of Toledo and had to enroll at the University of Tehran. Then, I got my delayed visa. Although I was an enrolled student at the University of Tehran and had my obligations to remain there to finish my Master's and although he didn't want me to leave them, he still helped me to get over with the paperwork for leaving there. I'm ultimately grateful for his support and mentoring.

Anyway, my problem at INAES was of a different nature. I was not afraid of writing per se. Not even with writing in English (which was the language of instruction at INAES). The problem was with both the amount and the style of writing in my new academic discipline. Even before getting into a college of engineering, I had difficulty with elaborate writing.

I was considered among the best in Alavi School when it came to my knowledge in Islamic and Quranic studies. And we had rigorous courses for that matter in addition to our regular curriculum in secular sciences (math, physics and stuff). I usually ranked 1st or 2nd in competitions in Quranic and religious knowledge. Yet, when it came to essay writing in those subjects, my grade was usually among the lowest. I was very good in Persian literature and composition (no modesty about that). So, I had no problem with writing. But I was a strict observant of KISS principle. And I had the same problem with all courses that demanded extensive writing (paper-blacking as I used to call them).

Getting into engineering made things worse. In engineering, KISS is among our Ten Commandments. When you can explain something in one page, it's absolute waste of time and resources (and above all, gray cells) to write more. As engineering students, we preferred textbooks that explained things succinctly and clearly. By the same token, in engineering companies, when you write a report, you must stick to this fundamental principle. If you see any engineering document that is not written as such, be sure that some other hand has been behind that. Lawyers are the most ardent observers of verbose and complicated writing.

So, I was hardened in my style of writing over years and now, I had to change it over a short time. And I had to practice it online on a weekly basis. And it was not fun. Yet, that was not all. I had other reservations about blogging.

I've been into computers since 1986 and into Internet since 1994. Still, I did my best to keep away from blogging. With my background in engineering and technology, I'm not technophobic or cyberphobic for sure. But blogging is an obsessive addiction (bloggers know what I mean). This obsession comes in two ways:

1) What you write and what others think about it. A blog is not a personal diary (although it functions that way for the blogger). Even not like a newspaper/magazine editorial or op-ed. Once you publish a post in your blog, it's out there. Not just for the limited readers in your institution, your neighborhood, your city or your country. It's accessible to the whole world to read (although not necessarily read by the whole world). And we have a small flat world. And when you're obsessive (like me) about the quality or content of what you put there, it makes the job difficult.

You may say, bloggers write primarily for their own satisfaction, so why the fret? Should it really matter what others think about what's written in a blog? Yes and no. If you were writing only for yourself, you could have done so in your own diary, the old-fashioned way. But cyberspace is mainly a platform to share opinions. And admit it or not, you put your thoughts out there for others to read and (if you're not a megalomaniac) you care about what your readers think about your thoughts. That's how thoughts thrive. But still, all of us have some degree of ego.

2) Updating your blog. This is even a bigger obsession. When you gather some readers, you want to keep them. You feel like updating your blog frequently. That's the essence of blogging and cyber-culture. Everything runs 24/7. Out of sight, out of mind. So, you have to have something new for your readers all the time, whenever they check on your blog. But that's easier said than done. You may run short of time. Or worse, run out of ideas.

Then, if this second obsession overrules the first, you resort to writing anything. Just to go with the flow of cyberspace. Just not to lose touch with your readers. And I've seen bloggers who write things such as what they've had for breakfast or other nonsense in that line. And in great details. Just to keep their blog updated (and I admit some of my posts show such phenomena). It's OK if you write a little about yourself to give a background of your thoughts. But writing all about yourself or anything that just comes to your mind?

So, when the surge of blogging took over Iran near the turn of the millennium, as a sociologist and Internet-addict, I spent a lot of time surfing through blogs to know about ideas and thoughts of those people who dived in head on (and Iranians are passionate fans of anything technologic and modern). Yet, my voracious reading of those blogs made me more and more reluctant about jumping the bandwagon for both reasons mentioned above. I resisted the temptation even when I saw some friends (or people I knew well) rushed into blogging.

But like any addiction, when you are pushed into something of this nature, you may have a hard time not going with the flow. And that was how I felt when we were required to set up a blog for our course in Cultural Studies and Ethnology of America at INAES. And when I started my blog, I was thinking to myself, I have to stay focused on the objective of my blog which was on American Studies.

Not just because my high-standard professor had a low-tolerance for nonsense, but also because of my own convictions. To me, my blog was a platform to share my thoughts about America, sociology and religion. These were the things I was going to focus on in my new discipline. I looked at this blog as the academic beginning of my new career. As we were supposed to explain about ourselves and our research interests in our first post, I put my Statement of Purpose that I had written for application to sociology programs in the US. And as the title of my blog, I put: In God we trust.

This has been my motto since early childhood as an Iranian Muslim. Actually, this was the core of one of the first prayers that my mother taught me in that age to begin my day with (Quran, end of 65:2 to 65:3; and those verses are so eloquent). And you see this phrase over the doorframe of many old houses in Iran. As a child, I felt so proud living in such a country. And whenever I passed by such a house, apart from the architecture (and old houses in Iran are magnificent in that sense), I admired the owner of the house, unbeknownst.

And when I discovered later that Americans have the same motto, although I felt (and do feel) very critical about the politics of American gov't, I felt a sense of admiration about America as a nation.

So, when I started my blog, it seemed the most trivial thing to me to put my motto (which was also shared by Americans) as the title of my blog. This would constantly remind me of my objectives while writing in my blog. And hopefully, people who read it would feel the same. And as I'm an Iranian Muslim, I might write about Iran and Islam also. After all, I've been doing comparative studies on Iran and the US since I read that book in sociology when I was a kid.

And now, it's been 15 months since I started this blog. When it became clear that I would leave the University of Tehran for another UT on the other side of the planet, I was thinking to myself, I will continue with this blog and although not under the same restrictions by my professor, I will try to stay focused. I have managed to do so (more or less). However, productive that I was when I arrived here, I've become very lazy about updating my blog. And I wonder why.

Have I become busy? Sure. And that's what my friends easily guess by the infrequency of my blog updates. And at times, I've thought to myself should I continue blogging. It's difficult to answer that question.

In Islamic teachings, we are told that whatever job not started in the name of God, is (would be) incomplete (futile). So, I may deduce from the same logic that this blog should go on. And when I think of the above mentioned reservations about blogging, I can certainly say the second one (lack of ideas) has not been an issue. The more I study American religion and life, the more I feel I'm in the right track about my research. But I have to admit that I'm a perfectionist person (in both ideal and pathological senses). So, the first reservation about blogging definitely applies to me.

When I write something and share it with others, I feel it must be as informative as possible. And high standards for blogging set by the above mentioned professor at INAES has exacerbated things for me. He expected our posts to be rich with information, supported by extensive research and reinforced by links to relevant websites. And although I'm no longer a student at INAES, I'm still under his intellectual influence. His ideal blogging style was something like Wikipedia. It's ideal, but very difficult to write that way everyday. Especially, when you're buried under heavy coursework in graduate school.

When I arrived here, I was not so overwhelmed with study and coursework. Or at least I didn't feel the pressure as I should. I was in a new environment and although I had ample information about the US as a result of studying about here for years, getting to experience things in person was different. That was the main reason that INAES chair strongly encouraged me to study America from within, not from afar. That is the essence of sociology.

I enjoyed visiting places and writing my thoughts as some sort of report of my observations. I justified the time I spent on blogging by the improving effect it had on my writing. Not merely writing. Rather, focused writing as a sociologist. As time went by, I began to feel the pressure of life in graduate school. And sometimes when I put aside time to write on my blog, I felt guilty. It was at the expense of my formal academic studies. I have much more to read in addition to my old self-studies on the side of my engineering job and further to my current coursework here to improve my knowledge and insight.

And do not forget that for engineers, efficiency too is among their Ten Commandments. Sometimes, I wonder whether blogging is an efficient way of improving my writing. Maybe that's the main reason I've been so lazy (read reluctant) about updating my blog, even over summer that I had many interesting observations. But maybe my fastidiousness with my writing is the reason. But I still wonder maybe I should rethink my blogging habits. Or maybe I need to manage my time more efficiently. And I still wonder.

But looking back at my posts, I feel more or less happy. It may lack on quantity, but it's not so bad on quality. I may have gone off-topic at points, but all in all, I believe this practice (efficient or not) has helped me organize my thoughts as I proceed in my new career.

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