I've started visiting local mosques for Iftar. This was something I rarely did in Toledo or even in Tehran. In Tehran, while I lived with my parents, I used to have my Iftar with them every night. And after they migrated to Mashhad, I usually had my Iftar by myself. And I didn't enjoy it much.
Well, until my last Ramadhan in Iran. The unexpected visa complications caused me a lot of problems. Expecting to receive my visa in time and flying to the US in August 2006, I had evacuated my apartment and moved all my stuff to my parents' new place in Mashhad. And it turned out that my visa did not get ready in time and I missed my Fall 2006 semester at the University of Toledo. Due to uncertainties with my visa, I had to enroll at the University of Tehran in their American Studies program.
Without an apartment, I had to live in dorm. Although University of Tehran was (and will be) my most favorite place, those days and nights felt so lonely. Having lived almost all my life in Tehran, it was not fun living in dorm and walking the familiar streets of my hometown like an uprooted alien. To see the full half of the glass, I found good buddies at the room adjacent to mine. But still, I didn't feel quite alright.
And as I had no home to have my Iftar, I began visiting the big mosque at the main campus over Ramadhan. Having my Iftar (although small and frugal) among fellow students in that lovely mosque gave me a sense of community. It would alleviate my depression somehow and would let me deal with the heavy load of weekly readings in my graduate program.
And then, I got my visa and left the University of Tehran for another UT. In Toledo, I had an apartment (although shared), but still, I had nobody to share my Iftar with. Sometimes, some friends took me to mosques in Michigan (Sunni mosques in Toledo area are not very Shia-friendly, based on what I've heard). But my Iftars in Toledo were mostly lonely. And due to circumstances surrounding my Ramadhan in Toledo, as described in my previous post, this was my least enjoyable Ramadhan. But at least, my new hometown was not depressing in itself. Although my Iftars were mostly lonely, I didn't feel that way about my time in Toledo in general. I felt at home. I've written more about it in my Adios Toledo post.
Having landed in Carbondale, I miss Toledo most of the time. And I've had difficulty figuring out exactly why. I used to attribute it mostly to small town culture shock (although Toledo was not so big compared to Tehran). Then, one of my friends told me about Iftars at the mosques in Carbondale. We have a small mosque which provides Iftar to single students almost every night and a bigger mosque which has Iftar for the whole Muslim community occasionally.
Last week, when I had gone to this bigger mosque for the first time, I was feeling kinda comfortable sitting among a community of believers, enjoying my banquet of God. And I took it for granted. After my Iftar was over, I left the mosque for school to continue my work. And I was still feeling at home without thinking consciously about this feeling. Then, when I approached Walgreen's at Wall St, I suddenly felt myself in a total unfamiliar place, in a foreign country. And this, after feeling at home in the US (read in Toledo) for a year and half. It struck me.
I wondered why. I had passed by this Walgreen's repeatedly over past month. So, this exact location was completely familiar to me, physically. So why I felt like that? as if I was in a strange place? in a foreign country? and feeling like that suddenly? I pondered for a while. Then, it downed on me.
Although I'd felt unhappy about living in Carbondale since my first day, this unhappiness was not merely due to its small size or lack of urban setting (which Toledo lacked also). While I was at the mosque, I had a sense of community after a while. And this made me forget that I was in a small town that I didn't like. I was physically somewhere in that town, but I was virtually detached.
When I left the mosque and approached the familiar Walgreen's, it made me realize I was no longer in the familiar atmosphere I was until a few minutes before. Where I had a virtual sense of belonging. Even temporarily. And this temporal sense of belonging vanished suddenly by seeing the familiar place that had nothing to do with that virtual (spiritual) familiar atmosphere. I had been abruptly thrown back to the material.
And then, I realized what had changed since I left Toledo. I had lost my sense of community. And that was the main reason I couldn't feel at home here. And thinking about it more, I found it funny. In Toledo, doing my fieldwork as a sociologist, I spent most of my free time in churches. And I was a practicing Muslim. Still, I had this sense of belonging. Being among a community of believers in a material world, engulfed in material culture. I had a sense of community.
And my Christian friends found it funny when I, a practicing Muslim, talked about Grace Lutheran as my church. But whenever I went there, I could usually connect to Jesus easily. And while sitting in their Bible studies, although I always kept my Muslim views when I had the opportunity to voice my opinion on the verses being studied, I always found myself among my family (most of people in those Bible studies were about the age of my parents or somehow older). And although some of the churches I mistakenly visited, were not a good place to connect with Jesus, I used to enjoy my time in most other churches. And I took all this for granted.
Well, until my last Ramadhan in Iran. The unexpected visa complications caused me a lot of problems. Expecting to receive my visa in time and flying to the US in August 2006, I had evacuated my apartment and moved all my stuff to my parents' new place in Mashhad. And it turned out that my visa did not get ready in time and I missed my Fall 2006 semester at the University of Toledo. Due to uncertainties with my visa, I had to enroll at the University of Tehran in their American Studies program.
Without an apartment, I had to live in dorm. Although University of Tehran was (and will be) my most favorite place, those days and nights felt so lonely. Having lived almost all my life in Tehran, it was not fun living in dorm and walking the familiar streets of my hometown like an uprooted alien. To see the full half of the glass, I found good buddies at the room adjacent to mine. But still, I didn't feel quite alright.
And as I had no home to have my Iftar, I began visiting the big mosque at the main campus over Ramadhan. Having my Iftar (although small and frugal) among fellow students in that lovely mosque gave me a sense of community. It would alleviate my depression somehow and would let me deal with the heavy load of weekly readings in my graduate program.
And then, I got my visa and left the University of Tehran for another UT. In Toledo, I had an apartment (although shared), but still, I had nobody to share my Iftar with. Sometimes, some friends took me to mosques in Michigan (Sunni mosques in Toledo area are not very Shia-friendly, based on what I've heard). But my Iftars in Toledo were mostly lonely. And due to circumstances surrounding my Ramadhan in Toledo, as described in my previous post, this was my least enjoyable Ramadhan. But at least, my new hometown was not depressing in itself. Although my Iftars were mostly lonely, I didn't feel that way about my time in Toledo in general. I felt at home. I've written more about it in my Adios Toledo post.
Having landed in Carbondale, I miss Toledo most of the time. And I've had difficulty figuring out exactly why. I used to attribute it mostly to small town culture shock (although Toledo was not so big compared to Tehran). Then, one of my friends told me about Iftars at the mosques in Carbondale. We have a small mosque which provides Iftar to single students almost every night and a bigger mosque which has Iftar for the whole Muslim community occasionally.
Last week, when I had gone to this bigger mosque for the first time, I was feeling kinda comfortable sitting among a community of believers, enjoying my banquet of God. And I took it for granted. After my Iftar was over, I left the mosque for school to continue my work. And I was still feeling at home without thinking consciously about this feeling. Then, when I approached Walgreen's at Wall St, I suddenly felt myself in a total unfamiliar place, in a foreign country. And this, after feeling at home in the US (read in Toledo) for a year and half. It struck me.
I wondered why. I had passed by this Walgreen's repeatedly over past month. So, this exact location was completely familiar to me, physically. So why I felt like that? as if I was in a strange place? in a foreign country? and feeling like that suddenly? I pondered for a while. Then, it downed on me.
Although I'd felt unhappy about living in Carbondale since my first day, this unhappiness was not merely due to its small size or lack of urban setting (which Toledo lacked also). While I was at the mosque, I had a sense of community after a while. And this made me forget that I was in a small town that I didn't like. I was physically somewhere in that town, but I was virtually detached.
When I left the mosque and approached the familiar Walgreen's, it made me realize I was no longer in the familiar atmosphere I was until a few minutes before. Where I had a virtual sense of belonging. Even temporarily. And this temporal sense of belonging vanished suddenly by seeing the familiar place that had nothing to do with that virtual (spiritual) familiar atmosphere. I had been abruptly thrown back to the material.
And then, I realized what had changed since I left Toledo. I had lost my sense of community. And that was the main reason I couldn't feel at home here. And thinking about it more, I found it funny. In Toledo, doing my fieldwork as a sociologist, I spent most of my free time in churches. And I was a practicing Muslim. Still, I had this sense of belonging. Being among a community of believers in a material world, engulfed in material culture. I had a sense of community.
And my Christian friends found it funny when I, a practicing Muslim, talked about Grace Lutheran as my church. But whenever I went there, I could usually connect to Jesus easily. And while sitting in their Bible studies, although I always kept my Muslim views when I had the opportunity to voice my opinion on the verses being studied, I always found myself among my family (most of people in those Bible studies were about the age of my parents or somehow older). And although some of the churches I mistakenly visited, were not a good place to connect with Jesus, I used to enjoy my time in most other churches. And I took all this for granted.
No comments:
Post a Comment